the questions, observations, laments, psalms, classic anecdotes, prayers, & stories of jeremiah aja. enjoy it like a sweaty plastic cup filled with strawberry lemonade & crushed ice.

Monday, February 02, 2009

confessions, part 3

I have three slightly irrational fears. I have had these for many years and have no plans of being talked out of them. Here they are in no particular order:

#1- jellyfish

They're absolutely gorgeous though, that's the only problem I have with being deathly afraid of them. I loved looking at them at the Monterrey Aquarium several years ago, but that was only because their was 3 inch thick decorative commercial glass between me and the stinging creatures. Half of my thoughts while visiting any beach are, "I hope I don't get stung by a jellyfish, I hope I don't get stung by a jellyfish, I hope I don't get stung by a jellyfish..." One moment you're enjoying the water, being very successful at keeping the salt out of your mouth, waiting for that perfect wave to bodysurf back to shore, and -BAM!- something has just touched your leg with extreme pain for no reason at all and now you're looking for someone to pee on you. From what I have heard, their sting isn't any kind of defense mechanism, not a protection apparatus. It just...happens. You touch it or it touches you and you got scorching pain and a wicked mark for proof. Seems like their could be something you could do to avoid the sting from coming. Nope. "Don't go near them," is all I have heard. Luckily, I try and block all of this out of my mind every time I am at a beach. Usually, I succeed in this. Still scared though.

#2- kidney stones
You have no idea. It's bad. I am deathly afraid of getting these and then having to pass one. I have heard the pain compared to birthing a child and while I will not ever know what it feels like to birth a child, I have been up very close and very personal with one just 7 months ago. I saw how much fun that wasn't.
***quick tangent- Her eyes light up a room--->***

Pain compared to childbrith cannot be good in any way, I don't care where you're from. Additionally, I haven't heard of any concrete reasons why you might develop kidney stones. Which, AGAIN, means that there's nothing you can do to avoid it. They might just...happen. Truly terrifying, is it not? How UNcomforting does this sound?- "Well sir, these just developed over time and what you will go through in the next 2 weeks even while on prescription strength painkillers and muscle relaxers is enough to make the most brutish of men squeal like a schoolgirl that has seen a spider." Possible effective treatment? Having someone pulverize the stones. Is this some kind of joke? I am outrageously afraid of kidney stones.

#3- vomiting/puking/throwing up/gagging or a combination of any of these within the nausea family
This will not be news to many of you. I hate anything to do with puking- sight, sound, smell, or the act of- hate it. I am terrified of throwing up. The last time I threw up was in February of 2002 (which is why lasagna is tough to eat still). Before that it was either '90 or '91. Before that even, I had only 6 recollections of me throwing up and in all of them, I was sobbing. It terifies me. Still today, the second I get nauseous, I try all I can to avoid puking. Every once in a while I will begin to believe it is God punishing me (this is TERRIBLE theology by the way, a total lie) and I remember making many promises when I was younger to read my Bible and pray more if He would prevent vomit from happening -totally not kidding. Still further, I have concluded that if I could be a superhero I would be "Nausea Man" and would cause all evil forces to fold over in excricating and debilitating nausea to foil their evil plans.
This one time in 5th grade there was a girl who got sick right after lunch and ran out of the classroom while vomitting. She didn't quite make it. Other students saw this and it ended up, true story here, it ended up being a full on, real-deal, vomit domino effect. No lie, at one point, there were 4 girls hovering around the teacher's trashcan puking with all their might. A few other students were running out the door, passing the loyal four around the can, trying to hold it until they got to a toilet. Utter abdominal bedlam. I dry heaved twice as I was on the opposite side of the classroom plugging my ears and pinching my nose to avoid jumping on that train.
Wow, I am done talking about this now.

Confession #3- I have three slightly irrational fears, that under certain conditions, almost consume my thoughts. The good thing is, for now, Annabella's spit up hasn't bothered me one bit. Whshew.

from wilmore, with Love.


Heather said...

J, I was under the impression that you are the only normal person I've met.

but now I see that you are not.


M. Brooks said...

I totally understand your #3. My sister and I were (er, still are) not only terrified of puking, but we were also superstitious about it to. When we were in elementary, middle and high school, if someone puked in our general vicinity we would burn the outfit we were wearing that day. Shoes and all...R.I.P. my Grant Hill Filas hi-tops. Literally, we would throw the clothes in a trash can and light it on fire. I think we may have read "The Velveteen Rabbit" one too many times.

jeremiah said...

@mermaw- wow. seriously, wow.
first off, i wanted the grant hill's SOOOOOO bad. Didnt get them though. That breaks my heart to hear you burned them.

@doss- glad i could help sista.

KellyLawson22 said...

You SO would have been throwing up yesterday if you had been around for Riley's adventure. I ALMOST lost it myself.

I feel your pain, brother. It's no fun!