Just recently I was in a bathroom of a friend’s work building. We were at the KET (Kentucky Educational Television) office in Lexington. If you’d like to know why and would love to laugh so hard it hurts, check this out, but jump back into the story here when you’re done. You wont believe it, I literally mean that.
In this particular bathroom, above one of the urinals was a sign. It was quite obviously made by one the office workers and then poorly scotch taped above it, unlaminated I might add, reading, PLEASE “FLUSH” THE URINAL The sign had an arrow pointing down to the urinal. Apparently, someone thought that men lose focus very easy in the bathroom or something. But my eyes were even more drawn to the quotations marks on the word FLUSH. I bet I looked way perplexed right then. Are those quotations really necessary? I guess someone actually may have thought that they were. But still, I was almost arguing with the person highly skilled in Microsoft Word 2007 that was able to put it in, dare I say it, LANDSCAPE format - Why are those there?
Now, I would say that I am not a highly US traveled person. I have not been apart of any bands that had nation wide tours, I have only lived in four states in my life, and I didn’t need to do the massive road trip in my early 20’s in order to “find myself” – though that would have been pretty cool. But, last I recalled, EVERYWHERE I have been in my life, “flushing” the toilet was always “flushing” the toilet. There was no alternate word(s). No slang. No alternate pronuncitions. It seems to me that no matter where you go, the only words to explain “flush” are…flush. I haven’t been to all of these places, but…Augusta, ME – flush. Seattle, WA – flush. Austin, TX – flush. Wilmore, KY – flush. Miami, FL – flush. Sacramento, CA – flush.
There is just no slang for the word flush. Just about everything else in a bathroom has a slang word though. Toilet paper can be TP. The toilet can be a commode, the head, the john, the stool. Urine can be pee-pee, tinkle, wizz, and few select others that may be a bit PG-13. And then there's, well, um...I’ll keep this a family blog before we head down other roads and even venture into the other main things involved in the whole bathroom process. But again, there is only one way, just one word, a sole five-letter word to communicate the clearing of the toilet from its latest acquisition. And, I have come to the sobering and slightly bizarre conclusion, at least thus far in my life, that there is just no other words for “FLUSH”.
I could be severely wrong though. If I am, please reveal the truth.
From Wilmore, with Love.